Wednesday, December 05, 2001
I am 58% Metal-Head.
I rock just as hard as the rest of the thrash set, except when no ones looking I like to get down with a little "More than a Feeling."
Take the Metal-Head Test at Fuali.com!
I rock just as hard as the rest of the thrash set, except when no ones looking I like to get down with a little "More than a Feeling."
Take the Metal-Head Test at Fuali.com!
Harry Potter
I went to see Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone a few weeks back. I have not read any of the books, and I have only a vague grasp of the story line and characters. Before I go on, I'd like to say for the record that I thought the movie was pretty good. The effects were top notch, and the story was not too complex. The whole event was overall very enjoyable.
And now I am gonna bitch about a few things. Let's start with time. The fucking movie was 2 1/2 hours long. I think a LOT could have been left out to make it shorter, including the whole competition thing between the "factions" and the lacrosse/polo/corquet game they played on brooms. Leave the things out, and the story still stands on its own.
Now let's talk about Harry himself. He did not strike me as being very impressive. He reminded me more of Dubya...he surrounded himself with competent people, then took the credit. The girl seemed to be about to forget more about magic than he was ever gonna know, and at least his other loser friend could play chess. What were his powers? He used the power of love? So did Huey Lewis. He could ride a broom with the best of them? Angela Fucking Lansbury could ride a broom. And while she may not have been very good at it, she could at least keep the Substitutiary Locomotion spell going at the same time.
The best part of the whole experience was after the movie was over. The kids in the theatre had sat through this flick and not so much as moved a muscle. They were entranced. And on the way out, they bitched about shit that was left out or wrong. 7 and 8 year old kids who were aware enough to know what they had missed - it was impressive. A lot of people bitch about Harry Potter books for whatever reasons - the same old bullshit I listened to about D&D when I was their age. Bottom line - they were reading, and at least they were not playing with their assholes or something...
I went to see Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone a few weeks back. I have not read any of the books, and I have only a vague grasp of the story line and characters. Before I go on, I'd like to say for the record that I thought the movie was pretty good. The effects were top notch, and the story was not too complex. The whole event was overall very enjoyable.
And now I am gonna bitch about a few things. Let's start with time. The fucking movie was 2 1/2 hours long. I think a LOT could have been left out to make it shorter, including the whole competition thing between the "factions" and the lacrosse/polo/corquet game they played on brooms. Leave the things out, and the story still stands on its own.
Now let's talk about Harry himself. He did not strike me as being very impressive. He reminded me more of Dubya...he surrounded himself with competent people, then took the credit. The girl seemed to be about to forget more about magic than he was ever gonna know, and at least his other loser friend could play chess. What were his powers? He used the power of love? So did Huey Lewis. He could ride a broom with the best of them? Angela Fucking Lansbury could ride a broom. And while she may not have been very good at it, she could at least keep the Substitutiary Locomotion spell going at the same time.
The best part of the whole experience was after the movie was over. The kids in the theatre had sat through this flick and not so much as moved a muscle. They were entranced. And on the way out, they bitched about shit that was left out or wrong. 7 and 8 year old kids who were aware enough to know what they had missed - it was impressive. A lot of people bitch about Harry Potter books for whatever reasons - the same old bullshit I listened to about D&D when I was their age. Bottom line - they were reading, and at least they were not playing with their assholes or something...
Tuesday, December 04, 2001
I Am In A Harry
That is one of the lines from the new virus going around USF right now. I have even gotten a virus from a Dean, and I know of at least one person in my division (Educational Outreach) who has infected themselves.
I did a rant about this a few months back. Seems people have not gotten much brighter since then. And they may be getting dumber. Nothing like seeing the same old familiar names send virii around.
What I really want to do is send an email to the local listserv for the university, making fun of the people who infected themselves. It would be sweet and rude and very to the point. If you don't fucking trust an email attachment, delete it. If you were supposed to get it, they will send it again. Most of the fucking morons around here never empty their Sent Items folder, so you know they have to still have it...Shit, it took them 6 months to learn how to send the fucking attachment to begin with - they would not throw it away...
And OUTLOOK - the fucking evil email program from hell, has a way to automatically edit out the files you get. Personally, I hate this feature - I can capable of editing my OWN fucking messages for myself. BUT...it might be a good idea for the rest of the numbnuts around here to consider it. Of course, then I'd have to find other reasons to make fun of them. But that would not necessarily be a hard thing to do...
That is one of the lines from the new virus going around USF right now. I have even gotten a virus from a Dean, and I know of at least one person in my division (Educational Outreach) who has infected themselves.
I did a rant about this a few months back. Seems people have not gotten much brighter since then. And they may be getting dumber. Nothing like seeing the same old familiar names send virii around.
What I really want to do is send an email to the local listserv for the university, making fun of the people who infected themselves. It would be sweet and rude and very to the point. If you don't fucking trust an email attachment, delete it. If you were supposed to get it, they will send it again. Most of the fucking morons around here never empty their Sent Items folder, so you know they have to still have it...Shit, it took them 6 months to learn how to send the fucking attachment to begin with - they would not throw it away...
And OUTLOOK - the fucking evil email program from hell, has a way to automatically edit out the files you get. Personally, I hate this feature - I can capable of editing my OWN fucking messages for myself. BUT...it might be a good idea for the rest of the numbnuts around here to consider it. Of course, then I'd have to find other reasons to make fun of them. But that would not necessarily be a hard thing to do...
Monday, December 03, 2001
Driving
Driving is a real pain in the ass. Around here, it is always an adventure.
However, sometimes driving can be fun. Especially if you are getting back at a bad or rude driver. My brother once but off a guy just north of Tampa who had cut him off for no reason TWICE on I-75. But my brother did not stop at cutting him off - he matched speeds with a guy doing about 55 and rode that way all the way to Gainesville (back when 75 was two lanes the whole way). Took him 2 1/2 hours to get home, but the guy who cut him off never got around him.
Last weekend I was driving down 75, and we were part of a two car caravan all going to the same place. Well, I was the second car, and we were both passing someone, when I see this bitch come up behind me, really fast, then began to tailgate me. I was already doing about 80, so I have no idea what her problem was, but she was obviously annoyed that I was not going faster. When I passed the car I had wanted to pass, I got over. She immediately shot up onto the ass of the guy in front of me, the guy I was caravaning with.
Well, this guy is a pretty conscientious driver, but he is VERY revenge-minded. And he HATES it when people do stupid things in a car. SO, when she got on his ass, he slowed, obviously. So she had to, too. And then I decided to teach the little bitch another lesson. I matched speeds with my buddy although I was right next to HER. She she was boxed in pretty good. And she was furious. I could see her drumming her steering wheel and dashboard, and my buddy could see it too.
And that was not all. When traffic got too bad to keep up our little game, we knew we were gonna have to let her pass. I let my friend get a little ahead of me, and I was gonna squeeze in behind her. But when he pulled a little ahead of her, she zoomed up like she was gonna keep me from getting over in front of her. My friend saw this, and slowed down a lot, which let me get in front of him! Oh BOY was she mad!
Well, we finally let her go. Worst part was she had a small child in the front seat with her. Fucking stupid bitch. I hope when she finally dies on the road the kid is not with her.
Driving is a real pain in the ass. Around here, it is always an adventure.
However, sometimes driving can be fun. Especially if you are getting back at a bad or rude driver. My brother once but off a guy just north of Tampa who had cut him off for no reason TWICE on I-75. But my brother did not stop at cutting him off - he matched speeds with a guy doing about 55 and rode that way all the way to Gainesville (back when 75 was two lanes the whole way). Took him 2 1/2 hours to get home, but the guy who cut him off never got around him.
Last weekend I was driving down 75, and we were part of a two car caravan all going to the same place. Well, I was the second car, and we were both passing someone, when I see this bitch come up behind me, really fast, then began to tailgate me. I was already doing about 80, so I have no idea what her problem was, but she was obviously annoyed that I was not going faster. When I passed the car I had wanted to pass, I got over. She immediately shot up onto the ass of the guy in front of me, the guy I was caravaning with.
Well, this guy is a pretty conscientious driver, but he is VERY revenge-minded. And he HATES it when people do stupid things in a car. SO, when she got on his ass, he slowed, obviously. So she had to, too. And then I decided to teach the little bitch another lesson. I matched speeds with my buddy although I was right next to HER. She she was boxed in pretty good. And she was furious. I could see her drumming her steering wheel and dashboard, and my buddy could see it too.
And that was not all. When traffic got too bad to keep up our little game, we knew we were gonna have to let her pass. I let my friend get a little ahead of me, and I was gonna squeeze in behind her. But when he pulled a little ahead of her, she zoomed up like she was gonna keep me from getting over in front of her. My friend saw this, and slowed down a lot, which let me get in front of him! Oh BOY was she mad!
Well, we finally let her go. Worst part was she had a small child in the front seat with her. Fucking stupid bitch. I hope when she finally dies on the road the kid is not with her.
 | If I was a James Bond villain, I would be Karl Stromberg. I enjoy marine biology, delusions of godhood, and wiping out the entire human race. I am played by Curd Jürgens in The Spy Who Loved Me. Who would you be? James Bond Villain Personality Test |
Wednesday, November 28, 2001
Friday, November 16, 2001
Surgery and Weight Loss
I have to have a colon resection done. That is when you have a section of your colon sliced out, then the two halves of the colon are reconnected. Sound like fun? 4 week recovery, and they do not let you out of the hospital until you shit.
However, when I went to the doctor, he informed me that, while the surgery is necessary, it can wait until I have dropped some tonnage. How much? 100 pounds. That would put me a 200, which I have not seen in 18 years. I do not mind being called fat - I am used to it, and I frequently refer to myself that way. Fuck it, I AM. Come on, 5'10", 300 lbs. What the fuck you YOU call it?
However, it was not him calling me fat, it is the way he did it that was priceless. He put a negative from a CT scan I had done of my abdomen and said "Let me show you what is on this slide. The bright white areas are your bones. The bright grey areas are muscle, and you have quite a bit for your size. The dim gray area, see it there, the ring that goes around you but does not fit in the frame? That's fat. And I have to cut through that..."
Diet time, I guess. I will keep you all posted.
I have to have a colon resection done. That is when you have a section of your colon sliced out, then the two halves of the colon are reconnected. Sound like fun? 4 week recovery, and they do not let you out of the hospital until you shit.
However, when I went to the doctor, he informed me that, while the surgery is necessary, it can wait until I have dropped some tonnage. How much? 100 pounds. That would put me a 200, which I have not seen in 18 years. I do not mind being called fat - I am used to it, and I frequently refer to myself that way. Fuck it, I AM. Come on, 5'10", 300 lbs. What the fuck you YOU call it?
However, it was not him calling me fat, it is the way he did it that was priceless. He put a negative from a CT scan I had done of my abdomen and said "Let me show you what is on this slide. The bright white areas are your bones. The bright grey areas are muscle, and you have quite a bit for your size. The dim gray area, see it there, the ring that goes around you but does not fit in the frame? That's fat. And I have to cut through that..."
Diet time, I guess. I will keep you all posted.
Christmas Time
I have been playing Christmas music in my office since the day after Halloween. Why? I fucking like it. However, I have gone a little overboard. Yesterday I gift-wrapped my extra table and the door to my office. I have a small tree, plastic and covered in in lights and little bulbs, that I have had since before Halloween. (It had a small pumpkin under it). I also have two large styrofoam pieces of candy hanging from my ceiling.
To many of you, that may seem normal. A mite early perhaps, but normal. Factor in my atheism, and it becomes a puzzler...
See, I like Christmas. Always have, from the time I was a believer, and it has never worn off. The holier and more pious the hymn, the more I know the words by heart. I enjoy Nativity scenes, the more ornate, the better.
The point of all of this is to keep myself sane while making those around me nuts. I am good at it without the extra props, and without Johnny Mathis warbling "Carol of the Bells." But I like this stuff, and it helps. So far my office is holding up pretty good - I am regarded with the same bored toleration most feel towards a hyperactive child. I wonder how tolerant my office will be when it's April...
I have been playing Christmas music in my office since the day after Halloween. Why? I fucking like it. However, I have gone a little overboard. Yesterday I gift-wrapped my extra table and the door to my office. I have a small tree, plastic and covered in in lights and little bulbs, that I have had since before Halloween. (It had a small pumpkin under it). I also have two large styrofoam pieces of candy hanging from my ceiling.
To many of you, that may seem normal. A mite early perhaps, but normal. Factor in my atheism, and it becomes a puzzler...
See, I like Christmas. Always have, from the time I was a believer, and it has never worn off. The holier and more pious the hymn, the more I know the words by heart. I enjoy Nativity scenes, the more ornate, the better.
The point of all of this is to keep myself sane while making those around me nuts. I am good at it without the extra props, and without Johnny Mathis warbling "Carol of the Bells." But I like this stuff, and it helps. So far my office is holding up pretty good - I am regarded with the same bored toleration most feel towards a hyperactive child. I wonder how tolerant my office will be when it's April...
Tuesday, July 17, 2001
Meringue and Mayo
OK, it is obvious that cooking is a strange and mystic art. We look at the recipes we have today, the stuff we slave for hours to recreate, and we rarely stop to think about where they may come from, or how they may have evolved to their present state. There are a few things I have to wonder just what in the fuck the original creator was thinking when certain food items were created.
Let's start with Mayonnaise. First off, it is evil. It is used to cover evil. There is no acceptable use for it any longer, yet humanity scarfs it like there is no tomorrow. For example, my step-family loves the stuff. Love, fuck that, they are in eternal lust with the shit. My step brother mayos not one piece of bread but BOTH, then sits next to the jar with a spoon for EACH BITE. Holy fuck-shit.
The really scary thing is that some fool sat down one day (a French fool, no surprise) and decided to mix eggs and oil, and nothing else. How the fuck can that be a good idea? LOOK at the shit. Like sperm, only less productive. And this is a GOOD THING? Eggs and motor oil is more appetizing.
Then there is meringue. Not merengue, but meringue. Another French invention. However, rather that bemoan this one, I am just gonna wonder how it came into existence. Were they trying to recreate mayo? Can you picture it? Some dumb shit decided one day to mix eggs and sugar. But, since the yellow of the yolk makes the whole mess look slightly unappealing, not to mention like an ill-treated sore, they leave the yolk out. NOW someone decided to beat the living shit out of it until it is stiff. What possessed them to do this? Were they thinking, "Cool! A sweet mayo! Something to cover lemon up with so that the lemon pie does not look like an ill-treated sore!" We may never know.
OK, it is obvious that cooking is a strange and mystic art. We look at the recipes we have today, the stuff we slave for hours to recreate, and we rarely stop to think about where they may come from, or how they may have evolved to their present state. There are a few things I have to wonder just what in the fuck the original creator was thinking when certain food items were created.
Let's start with Mayonnaise. First off, it is evil. It is used to cover evil. There is no acceptable use for it any longer, yet humanity scarfs it like there is no tomorrow. For example, my step-family loves the stuff. Love, fuck that, they are in eternal lust with the shit. My step brother mayos not one piece of bread but BOTH, then sits next to the jar with a spoon for EACH BITE. Holy fuck-shit.
The really scary thing is that some fool sat down one day (a French fool, no surprise) and decided to mix eggs and oil, and nothing else. How the fuck can that be a good idea? LOOK at the shit. Like sperm, only less productive. And this is a GOOD THING? Eggs and motor oil is more appetizing.
Then there is meringue. Not merengue, but meringue. Another French invention. However, rather that bemoan this one, I am just gonna wonder how it came into existence. Were they trying to recreate mayo? Can you picture it? Some dumb shit decided one day to mix eggs and sugar. But, since the yellow of the yolk makes the whole mess look slightly unappealing, not to mention like an ill-treated sore, they leave the yolk out. NOW someone decided to beat the living shit out of it until it is stiff. What possessed them to do this? Were they thinking, "Cool! A sweet mayo! Something to cover lemon up with so that the lemon pie does not look like an ill-treated sore!" We may never know.
Monday, July 09, 2001
Depeche Mode and Poe
Well, I went to the Depeche Mode concert here in Tampa last night. The last DM concert I went to was in '90 in Miami for the Violator tour. It was nice to see that most fans have not changed that much, just gotten stranger. And older. And the pot they smoke is not as good as it used to be, or so it smelled...
DM's new album, Exciter, is their best since Violator. Their song list was primarily Exciter and Violator, with a few SOFAD and Ultra tunes mixed in. I figured the furthest back they would go was Violator, which is their last good album. Not last great album, just good. The last GREAT album was Black Celebration, and their best is still Construction Time Again. Showing my age? Well, fuck you.
There were two surprises last night. One was DM's choice for their first encore song, which was Black Celebration. I did not expect them to go back to 1986 for a song for this concert, and that is NOT the song I would have chosen. They actually threw in Never Let Me Down Again from Music for the Masses as well, which is a better choice for an encore. The second surprise was the opening band, Poe.
Poe, a band which I had not heard of, put on a nice show. Their music was very well thought out, and the lead singer's voice was very powerful. Good stuff. Of course, all I could think of was my brother's reference to them getting up on stage and quoting "The Raven." At one point the singer asked if the crowd liked ghost stories and I shouted ":COOL! They are gonna read Fall of the House of Usher!!"
Well, I went to the Depeche Mode concert here in Tampa last night. The last DM concert I went to was in '90 in Miami for the Violator tour. It was nice to see that most fans have not changed that much, just gotten stranger. And older. And the pot they smoke is not as good as it used to be, or so it smelled...
DM's new album, Exciter, is their best since Violator. Their song list was primarily Exciter and Violator, with a few SOFAD and Ultra tunes mixed in. I figured the furthest back they would go was Violator, which is their last good album. Not last great album, just good. The last GREAT album was Black Celebration, and their best is still Construction Time Again. Showing my age? Well, fuck you.
There were two surprises last night. One was DM's choice for their first encore song, which was Black Celebration. I did not expect them to go back to 1986 for a song for this concert, and that is NOT the song I would have chosen. They actually threw in Never Let Me Down Again from Music for the Masses as well, which is a better choice for an encore. The second surprise was the opening band, Poe.
Poe, a band which I had not heard of, put on a nice show. Their music was very well thought out, and the lead singer's voice was very powerful. Good stuff. Of course, all I could think of was my brother's reference to them getting up on stage and quoting "The Raven." At one point the singer asked if the crowd liked ghost stories and I shouted ":COOL! They are gonna read Fall of the House of Usher!!"
Monday, June 25, 2001
Days Full of Wonder
by Alphaville
When you feel so far away though you're close to everything
Just the feeling of estrangement's creeping up on spider's legs
Even in these days of wonder, even in the age of faith
There are some who goin' under
There are some who never got it made
So you passed so many years in a labyrinth of traces
Running round and round they led to no one but yourself
Here comes the eternal stranger
He who has fallen from grace to the iron grounds
And I'm tolling my bell just to let you know
I'm here by your side in these days full of wonder
In the ashes of your time when the dragon screams for more
The reptiles make their comeback in your eyes
And heroes fall for heroin and heaven falls for fake
And Doris' daisies burn to hell on the grand parade of lies
In the middle of the night when the last of god has died
And the only friend you've got is the heartbeat of the clock
That music plays for all time, the TV light is freezing
The war-paint on your face...
by Alphaville
When you feel so far away though you're close to everything
Just the feeling of estrangement's creeping up on spider's legs
Even in these days of wonder, even in the age of faith
There are some who goin' under
There are some who never got it made
So you passed so many years in a labyrinth of traces
Running round and round they led to no one but yourself
Here comes the eternal stranger
He who has fallen from grace to the iron grounds
And I'm tolling my bell just to let you know
I'm here by your side in these days full of wonder
In the ashes of your time when the dragon screams for more
The reptiles make their comeback in your eyes
And heroes fall for heroin and heaven falls for fake
And Doris' daisies burn to hell on the grand parade of lies
In the middle of the night when the last of god has died
And the only friend you've got is the heartbeat of the clock
That music plays for all time, the TV light is freezing
The war-paint on your face...
Wednesday, May 30, 2001
A Roadside Parable
Once, deep in the heart of North Carolina, there was an expansive fenced field. It was odd for three reasons - 1) it was triangle-shaped; 2) it was full of cows; and 3) it grew only cannibis. The cows feasted readily on the crop, and there was never a shortage of volunteers to sit up late on cold nights around the field fires to keep the crop from freezing.
Well, as it turns out, the crop was very popular, too popular to waste on feeding cows. Therefore, in the interests of increasing business and decreasing the bovine demands upon the crop, it was decided that the cows should be set free to roam the countryside and that roads should be established to enable merchants to move the harvested crop readily, near and far, to the highest bidder.
The leader of the community, one Jebediah, devised a plan to complete these two plans with one action. He called forth the members of the community and addressed them.
"My Brethren," he intoned, "as you know, we are going to rid ourselves of the cattle and also build roads to increase our trade. We can do both at once. We shall remove the fences containing the cattle and follow them, thus creating our road system. We shall then name the roads after leading members of the community."
And the plan was met with great acceptance, until a small man, named Euclidiah, raised his concerns.
"But Brethren, should we not build our roads in straight lines, in a grid, and give them easy to remember identification in addition to compass headings to inform those new to our community where they may be at any given time?"
A dark cloud of discontent settled over the throng. Then the second best-known citizen, Hezekiah, responded to Euclidiah's claim.
"Let he who is without a sense of direction cast the first stone."
Euclidiah was buried under a ton of stones.
And this is how the community of Raleigh-Durham came to pass.
Once, deep in the heart of North Carolina, there was an expansive fenced field. It was odd for three reasons - 1) it was triangle-shaped; 2) it was full of cows; and 3) it grew only cannibis. The cows feasted readily on the crop, and there was never a shortage of volunteers to sit up late on cold nights around the field fires to keep the crop from freezing.
Well, as it turns out, the crop was very popular, too popular to waste on feeding cows. Therefore, in the interests of increasing business and decreasing the bovine demands upon the crop, it was decided that the cows should be set free to roam the countryside and that roads should be established to enable merchants to move the harvested crop readily, near and far, to the highest bidder.
The leader of the community, one Jebediah, devised a plan to complete these two plans with one action. He called forth the members of the community and addressed them.
"My Brethren," he intoned, "as you know, we are going to rid ourselves of the cattle and also build roads to increase our trade. We can do both at once. We shall remove the fences containing the cattle and follow them, thus creating our road system. We shall then name the roads after leading members of the community."
And the plan was met with great acceptance, until a small man, named Euclidiah, raised his concerns.
"But Brethren, should we not build our roads in straight lines, in a grid, and give them easy to remember identification in addition to compass headings to inform those new to our community where they may be at any given time?"
A dark cloud of discontent settled over the throng. Then the second best-known citizen, Hezekiah, responded to Euclidiah's claim.
"Let he who is without a sense of direction cast the first stone."
Euclidiah was buried under a ton of stones.
And this is how the community of Raleigh-Durham came to pass.
Friday, April 27, 2001
Fucking Up a Wet Dream
Homestead is a town south of Miami (yes, there is something south of Miami) that got blasted by Huricane Andrew (the $30 Billion Blow Job). Well, if there are people dumb enough to fuck up a good thing, the good people of Homestead are prime candidates. Let's refer to the street lesson from the previous rant.
Well, Homestead decided, in its less than infinite wisdom, to have their own street layout. The county (Dade) has already numbered all of the roads for everyone, but Homestead had to have their own system. (They are not alone in Dade county, by the way, for doing this). Well, they did keep using numbers, and they kept their directionals (SW, NE, NW, SE). But they fall into the category of people too stupid to count. Here is the example.
You see, there is SW 304 St. (Kings Highway) and SW 312 St. (Campbell Drive). Now, a quick subtraction lesson tells us that there are 8 streets dividing these two roads. (Actually, 7 if you want to be really fucking picky, but let it slide, OK?) Well, Homestead, which uses the same county grid and changed the street numbers for their own evil purposes, has renamed these roads NE (NE? what the fuck?) 15 St. and NE 8 St. Do the math again, and we are missing a road.
Ask a person from Homestead why this is, and they have no fucking idea. I have asked people that moved to Homestead right after getting off the Ark, and they have no idea, either. Where's the fucking road? Andrew did not take it, because it's been that way since I can remember. So where is it? I am going to get Velda Farms to put a picture of it on their milk cartons. It has to be somewhere.....
Road Rage
No, this does not involve getting mad at other drivers, but some more shots at the Civil Engineers of Tampa, and every other fucking city that does not use numbers for their roads.
OK, I am from Miami originally (the one in Florida - the rest of the Miamis in the US are hardly worth mentioning, except the one in Ohio, but it is in Ohio), and I will almost never say a nice thing about Miami, or Dade county (fuck the Miami-Dade County shit, but that is another rant). But I will say that, for the most part, the roads go in a straight line and they are numbered. (Exceptions: Coral Gables, parts of Perrine, and the area formerly known as the Villages of Homestead.) They may be named, too, but they are all numbered.
I can hear the belly-aching now - "Numbers! It's too easy to get lost!" Yes, if you cannot fucking count. It's pretty fucking simple - we use numbers in our addresses, but for some reason we are supposed to know that Elm and Pine do not cross, but Elm and Maple do. Hmmmmm......We know that Elm, Maple, and Pine are significant for a reason - they have numbers assigned to them that are not used. Take Nebraska Avenue here in Tampa. Addresses begin withthe 900s on one side, and less than 900s on the other. That would make Nebraska (can you guess it?) 9th street. No shit. Pretty fucking simple to call it both. But we don't, so no one knows, from out of town, that Nebraska Avenue and 56th Street never meet. It is not possible to know this, without more knowledge.
Now, let's talk about Miami. All Avenues, Courts, and Boulevards go in the same direction (north and south), and all Drives, Streets, and Places go in the same direction (east and west). Therefore, there is a difference between 9th street and 9th avenue. And once you learn that you can use more than one directional on a street (like SW instead of just S or W), getting around is all that much easier.
And yes, Miami uses road names, but they use numbers at the same time. SW 216 St. is also known as Hainlin Mill. SW 232 St. is Silver Palm Drive. SW 147 Ave. is Naranja. But the names are not important. The names are not used in the actual address, just the numbers. And we already discovererd that we use numbers anyway, so why not be consistent?
End of lesson.
Parking Lots
I live in Tampa, land of the "Newly Weds" and "Nearly Deads". What this place needs is a person who can design a decent parking lot. We can't look to the Nearly Dead group - who at 75 wants to build a parking lot, and they just get lost in them with their big ass fucking cars that they cannot see over the dashboard of. So it is up to the Newly Wed category.
Take, for instance, a parking lot near USF (one of about 6.984X1078 universities in FL). There is great stuff in the shopping center, assuming you will survive to reach the stores. Question 1: who the fuck puts curves and hills in a parking lot in a flat fucking state? Answer: Civil Engineers in Tampa! Is it too much of a fucking stretch to keep the lines straight in a parking lot? Is there a compelling reason to put buildings and parking spaces at an angle other than 90 degrees? The fuckers here seem to think so.
Question 2: Does it make sense to have two shopping centers right next to each other that are not connected by their adjoining parking lots? Answer: No, but it does in Tampa. They'd rather see the drivers pull into traffic for a 15' stretch just to jam on the brakes to turn into the next lot. And the people in traffic really LOVE that shit.
E-commerce is not all that, but at least there wouldn't be a need for parking lots here any more...
I live in Tampa, land of the "Newly Weds" and "Nearly Deads". What this place needs is a person who can design a decent parking lot. We can't look to the Nearly Dead group - who at 75 wants to build a parking lot, and they just get lost in them with their big ass fucking cars that they cannot see over the dashboard of. So it is up to the Newly Wed category.
Take, for instance, a parking lot near USF (one of about 6.984X1078 universities in FL). There is great stuff in the shopping center, assuming you will survive to reach the stores. Question 1: who the fuck puts curves and hills in a parking lot in a flat fucking state? Answer: Civil Engineers in Tampa! Is it too much of a fucking stretch to keep the lines straight in a parking lot? Is there a compelling reason to put buildings and parking spaces at an angle other than 90 degrees? The fuckers here seem to think so.
Question 2: Does it make sense to have two shopping centers right next to each other that are not connected by their adjoining parking lots? Answer: No, but it does in Tampa. They'd rather see the drivers pull into traffic for a 15' stretch just to jam on the brakes to turn into the next lot. And the people in traffic really LOVE that shit.
E-commerce is not all that, but at least there wouldn't be a need for parking lots here any more...
Thursday, April 26, 2001
Homeless People
As Chris Rock says, "If a homeless person has a funny sign, he hasn't been homeless long..." (or something to that effect). Well, here's a story for ya...
As I was getting off the freeway one afternoon, there was a homeless person standing at the end of the off-ramp. He had his hands in the standard sign-holding position, but no sign. There he stood, just kind of watching the world go by, and holding (but not holding) his sign. THEN a guy gets out of his car and runs over to him to hand him some money, which was nice. The person, using only one hand so he would not drop the sign he was (not) holding, took the money and put it in his pocket. Then he went back to (not) holding his sign with both hands.
Well, damn near everyone in line for the light had a good laugh. I wonder if we should have...I wonder where the person is now...
Copyright Violations
Well, now it time to talk about this...
It's really quite simple. If you do not want people to copy things, don't fucking give them access to the tools to copy them. Taking pens and paper away is a little excessive, but what did you REALLY think was going to happen with photocopy machines and CDRW drives? The people who did not think these through are the ones bitching. I've got a fucking closet full of books I have photocopied because there was no other way to obtain them. And $20 for a CD? You must be out of your fucking mind.
People like to bitch about Napster, and, frankly, they are right - it is Illegal to do what is happening with Napster and the other person-to-person file sharing programs. HOWEVER, I can buy an album and make as many fucking copies as I please and give them to homeless people on the street if I want to. Stop me. The Internet just makes it easier and faster to give music (and other files) to friends all over the globe. Let's just say I can buy an album and share it with 6 billion of my closest friends, minus the lawyer bitch from the RIAA, Lars, and the group who actually made the album. With or without a program like Napster, it can be done. And it will be...
Halos, Smileys, and other Web Foolishness
Well, let's discuss the proliferation of Smileys on the internet, in chat rooms, and in email. The problem seems to be that people do not recognize the intensions of others when somehting is written. We don't have voice inflection in our speech unless we emphasize what we are saying. Even HTML has offered tags for this, such as <em> and <strong>.
Well, this takes forever to type out, especially if the emotion can be summed up in one little item - a SMILEY! Chat rooms and instant message programs have even added little icon versions of these smileys, and I swear I have seen (and BOUGHT) a book of smileys as a gag gift for a friend who, well, does not often smile...
Recently I have taken to using a smiley with a halo (O:-)) - which is just NOT the right one for me, which is why I use it. Well, now the idssue has been raised - does 0:-) look better than O:-)...
Why the fuck did I just devote these minutes of my life to this subject? Oh, what the fuck...
Wednesday, April 25, 2001
OK, let's talk about Email viruses.
With all the hoopla recently about how to protect yourself, it's a wonder that people still manage to infect their computers...yet they do. I used to think it was just people who were almost too stupid to remember to breathe that got them, but that is apparently not the case. When an educated and knowledgable person, one well versed in the use of computers, get a virus, what is the conclusion? That the person is a fucking moron? Well, yes, but there has to be more to it than that.
Perhaps people who get viruses are lonely. They are desperate for email, and attachments must mean the sender spent EXTRA TIME preparing their message. And hey, since it was such a special thing the sender did, the least one can do it open the attachment, right?
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph the fucking carpenter...I believe (as Leary says about cigarettes) that you could send these people a virus with a warning that says, in big RED LETTERS that clicking the attachment would release a virus that would cause the PC to animate itself and fuck the user in the ass, these people would do it.
However, it does make for some fun, finger-pointing phone calls when someone you know gets a virus, doesn't it.
With all the hoopla recently about how to protect yourself, it's a wonder that people still manage to infect their computers...yet they do. I used to think it was just people who were almost too stupid to remember to breathe that got them, but that is apparently not the case. When an educated and knowledgable person, one well versed in the use of computers, get a virus, what is the conclusion? That the person is a fucking moron? Well, yes, but there has to be more to it than that.
Perhaps people who get viruses are lonely. They are desperate for email, and attachments must mean the sender spent EXTRA TIME preparing their message. And hey, since it was such a special thing the sender did, the least one can do it open the attachment, right?
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph the fucking carpenter...I believe (as Leary says about cigarettes) that you could send these people a virus with a warning that says, in big RED LETTERS that clicking the attachment would release a virus that would cause the PC to animate itself and fuck the user in the ass, these people would do it.
However, it does make for some fun, finger-pointing phone calls when someone you know gets a virus, doesn't it.
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